Broken Glass
by susha1987
Summary: What was going on in Edward's head during Bella's birthday? And, the rest of the characters throughout New Moon? Bella's suffering, Jasper's guilt, Alice's loss; My version of New Moon: Rewritten, though still the same in the ways that matter.
1. Chapter 1

**I've always liked Bella's birthday party at the Cullen's. You might think me slightly indifferent to Bella's suffering that seemed to come in its' aftermath for saying such, but that is hardly the case. I believe that Alice's intentions were for the best, though it couldn't be helped if Bella's more awful luck seemed to transpire and spoil the moment in its' entirety. Regardless, I've had my heart set on rewriting my own version of New Moon (including the major scenes, but switching out dialogue and adding in scenes of my own. Therefor, you might see where I'm going with this, so why explain further, right?**

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**EPOV**

"Happy Birthday Bella!" My family chorused as we made our way towards them. Esme, hardly able to contain her overflowing joy, came forward, hugging Bella tightly against her body. I shifted from foot to foot patiently as each individual greeting was made and more birthday wishes chorused. Alice grabbed my wrist, bubbling over with excitement, and dragged me towards Bella, as if I needed her help in coming closer. Bella looked up at me, an impish smile dancing on her lips and I was happy to know that it was us that had put it there, regardless of her reluctance to come in the first place. I wrapped my arm around her thin waist, cradling her to my side and she pulled away quickly as a flash went off. I glowered at Alice for ruining the moment when I wanted only to hold her.

_'Trust me Edward, she'll appreciate the picture.'_ Alice explained mentally while directing her attention towards Bella, "I hope you don't mind. I found your camera in your bag and I know that your mom wants you to fill up your scrap book..." She explained flawlessly. Leave it to Alice...

Bella shrugged at my side, grasping my hand in hers, "Of course not." She replied casually and Alice clapped joyously. She would have taken the pictures anyway, of that I was sure, but it was more that Alice wanted Bella's approval to do so and I was grateful for that consideration.

"This one's from me and Rosalie," Alice said as she handed Bella a small box. Bella looked at it disapprovingly but once hearing that it was from Rosalie she accepted it quickly and I chuckled quietly. Would she ever seize to amaze me? I didn't think that was possible.

"It's a necklace." Rose stated as Bella peered at carefully.

"Thanks."

Alice seemed the most excited of us all as she reappered with another present in hand and Bella accepted it. She shook it carefully, like a child trying to identify its' contents without actually opening it. She pulled of the lid, quickly observing that the contents she was just looking for hadn't existed in the first place and she blushed.

"It's a radio. Already installed it in that piece of cra-," Emmett mused, but Bella whirled on him, a smile on her face, "Hey, don't dis the truck." She intersected before he could complete his statement. With that one simple interjection she seemed to win over my family for the night. Even the usually disdainful Rosalie couldn't help but smile and for the first time in nearly a century, I felt complete.

"My turn, my turn! This one's from me!" Alice enthused.

Bella's scent, always foremost in my senses, heightened, leaving a burning sensation to graze my throat. She drew her hand back, oblivious to what her scent was doing to me, and her heart rate seemed to falter. Her brown orbs widened, taking in the sight of a drop of blood on the tip of her finger, a dark glistening tear. My body stiffened, fighting my primal urges, though I knew I wouldn't harm her; I wouldn't allow myself that lapse in resolve.  
Bella's head snapped up, gauging my reaction and I knew what she was thinking though it was almost appalling. Would I be able to handle this? Jasper's thoughts broke through my silent concentration on Bella, 'Blood. There's blood.' He was screaming internally and I was instantly attacked by an even greater onslaught of Bella's blood, the center of Jasper's focus.

'Can't do this. Need her...Blood.' Jasper's stance shifted downward so that he now stood in an assertive stance. He had years of practice, years of training in the ways of attacking another and all I had was the insight to his thoughts. I had never felt so vulnerable before, especially when his thoughts seemed hardly coherent.

It had always been claimed that a mother would move mountains, stop at nothing, so as to save her baby, though the next day, accomplishing such feats seemed nearly impossible. Was this because all urgency, all worry, had been erased? Was it because they had already been assured of their newborn's safety that their own desire to protect them had been relinquished entirely?

I felt as though I were one of those mother's, protecting something infinitely more precious, something that in my eyes was entirely perfect as I stepped before Bella, placing myself in Jasper's direct route of attack. Bella's fragile body hidden behind my more imperishable one, seemed to put me more at ease almost instantly. I would stop at nothing to keep her out of harm's way; Jasper wouldn't touch her soft skin, wouldn't taint her blood.

'Blocking my path. I want her. I need her. Edward get out of the way!' His thoughts roared and I flinched from the absolute desire to kill, within them. This wasn't my brother, he was far too feral to be considered as such and I wouldn't let my relations to him affect my decisions; I wasn't going to move.

As Bella's heart rate accelerated, drawing Jasper's attention to her pulsing center, I realized that what had just transpired, this realization between Jasper and I, seeming to be hours long, had only been a couple of seconds ticking by. It was these seconds however, that seemed to revive the rest of my family as they came to life.

Esme seemed to become impossibly paler, her hand instantly clamping down her mouth, reigning in her upset. Carlisle's thoughts flickered by quickly, thinking in advance, planning for every possible outcome. Rosalie watched intently, daring Jasper to make a move, while Emmett shuffled uselessly behind her. Alice's expression was that of shear terror and it seemed that Bella was only just catching up to what was now taking place; what would implicate us all.

Where I seemed to observe everyone's reactions, Jasper became more and more oblivious as his blood-lust took full control over his thoughts and reactions. He had been fighting, I knew this, but he had now succumbed to the monster inside us all and I wouldn't let him past me. My body shifted into a familiar stance I had hoped would never be deemed necessary again, as it readied itself for attack.

"Edward-," Esme began, seeing clearly that I was the only one not too far gone to urge into something more peaceful of a reaction but Carlisle held up his hand, "This is Edward's fight Esme." He cautioned.  
In the moment, Jasper leapt forward, surging towards my most precious desire. If it had been anyone other than Bella, I didn't think I could do this, I didn't think I could fight my own brother but this was Bella and I wouldn't let him harm her. I realized in that one instant that I would do anything, anything she asked, anything at all, for her. This was my time of realization and as Carlisle had said, this truly was my fight.

I reached behind myself, making contact with Bella's warm skin. I pushed her, urging her back further, knowing that space would be required once Jasper came closer and even as I did this, Jasper collided with my body; stone on icy stone.  
Glass shattered behind me, though I refused to let this brake my concentration as I threw Jasper backwards, his body soaring before landing upon my piano. It groaned and shuttered before finally crumpling under his unexpected weight. The piano, what had once been my life focus, now meant nothing to me as I protected something infinitely more precious.

Feral growls tore through his lips as he succeeded at leaping to this balls of his feet. Acting on impulse, Carlisle seemed to come alive like a live wire as he raced towards Jasper, working to restrain him though I knew he couldn't do so alone. Emmett seemed to come to this realization just as I had, as he too surged forward, grabbing Jasper's arm firmly.

Yet still Jasper seemed uncontainable as his teeth snapped at my shoulder, trying desperately to get to what I was shielding and I refused to move; refused him access.  
Alice ran to him, holding his face between her hands, "Shh, Jasper. It's alright, it's just a little...blood." She faltered, as she sniffed the air, her voice becoming more strangled as she spoke and as I turned to look behind me, I knew why.

In my frenzied attempt to reposition Bella, I had exerted more strength on her than should have been allowable. I had pushed her into an onslaught of glass and cake. Glass seemed wedged into her arm cruelly, blood seeping into her dress and falling to the ground beneath her. I had thought Jasper to be a monster, but it was what I had done that hurt her.

Seeing my Bella crumpled and disheveled on the floor, unsuppressed fear and surprise in her brown orbs...The thought that I had been the one to hurt her, broke me. I had been set on defending her from Jasper, but I had still caused her further impairment.

"I can't...I can't do it." Alice whispered turning for the door, 'I'm sorry Edward, truly sorry. She's going to be okay.' She emphasized as she left, following Jasper as he was pulled through the door by Emmett and Rosalie.  
Esme seemed frozen in a state of shock, though it hadn't taken Carlisle long to surmise the damage as he stepped closer to me, his hands held in front of his chest. I glowered at him momentarily expecting another attack before realizing that this was Carlisle and that he meant no harm to either myself or to Bella.

"Edward, let me help her." He urged and I straightened, allowing him his request, knowing full well that it was necessary for him to inspect the damage of my mistake. The only thing left for me to realize was that there was no repairing this; my worst fears had come alive to torment me.

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**Gosh! You wouldn't believe how long I've had this sitting on my computer desktop, completely and utterly forgotten. I had been so excited to write this and once I'd completed my chapters, I became oblivious to its' existence! Well anyways, this isn't another one of my start and stop stories; instead, I've already finished it and now I'm simply relying on your reviews to upload the rest, so: Please Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Just a quick little reminder here, I don't intend for this chapter along with any of the following chapters, to be completely as they are in New Moon. I may borrow dialogue or make references to the book, but this storyline is something infinitely more different (once I'm through with setting the story up, that is.) But please, go ahead and continue reading:

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**[If you choose to do so, please insert the song "My Skin," By Natalie Merchant, here]**

The seconds on the clock seemed to tick by slower than I had ever thought possible, dragging out the day to its' longest extent. I doodled on the edge of my notebook, little meaningless scribbles here and there, as the teacher continued the lesson in a drawn out monotone. Would he every seize to bore me to the point of absolution? My arm stung subtly, and I turned it over, gazing at the prominent reminder of the past night's events. Flickers from the sun, strewn from the sky, danced along the window and reflected onto the concealing gauze. My drawing seemed pushed aside as I drifted in and out of awareness, reliving what I wished most fervently to forget. My mistake, Jasper's attack, Edward's overcompensation.

My clumsiness had always been taken into consideration when I was with Edward, so why hadn't it been only the night before? How was it possible for him to forget my draw for all things harmful? But this wasn't his fault and I refused to blame him for it; he wasn't the one that got the damn paper-cut in the first place. I closed my eyes, sealing out the class room, and seeing again Edward's expression when he had seen me strewn across the living room floor. His eyes were so solid, so reserved, his jaw set. He was fighting the pain that I caused him, the physical ache in his throat and his more primal urges. I remembered wanting to run to him and hold him in my arms and tell him that everything was okay but even I knew then, that _nothing _was_ okay. _

"Isabella?" The teacher coughed, glaring at me point-blank. I had been missing out on one of his more 'important' lectures then, were it to be referred to as important in the first place. Every head in the class swiveled to watch me and I rested my arm on my lap, beneath the table ledge and out of their expectant gazes. My face reddened, growing warmer for every second that they continued to deem me the center of their attention before the teacher finally cleared his throat. Was there ever an end to my embarrassment? Was there not one teacher who could see when I was hurting and know that it was better left alone? But of course, there wasn't one in existence, none willing to show compassion for their student's.

I watched my desk this time, watching the sun expand along its' width and stretch onto my skin, warming my soul. Of course, it was also a seize-less reminder of why Edward couldn't be here with me when I most wanted him to be. I didn't like knowing that I would have to face the gossip entirely alone if even for a day. It was enough just to live through Jessica's accusations and choice questions. It didn't seem that she, or Lauren for that matter, would give up on questioning Edward's love for me, something that I too would always remain curious over. It didn't make sense for a beautiful, perfect, vampire to fall in love with a human who was utterly full of flaws and short endings. Even though I couldn't understand Edward's decision to keep me, I didn't like to question it either. It hurt to face my imperfections when compared to his flawlessness.

My lullaby hummed through my thoughts, keeping them at piece rather than the turmoil they made themselves out to be. Instead images of Edward at his piano, playing _his_ compositions, musics that he had poured his heart and soul into during a darker period of his life, his fingers dancing along the keys kept me at bay. All I could see was him and at the same time, I didn't think I would want to see anyone else. Then it dawned on me. These memories were hardly provided to keep me at bay, they were subtle reminders. Because of me, Edward's piano had choked out its' last note when Jasper collided amongst it; his piano was now gone and I couldn't take that back. It had already been damaged beyond repair.

The bell rang, effectively cutting off any last minute conversations whilst everyone bustled out of the room. I was last and for the first time it didn't matter. I was in no hurry to return home, it would be empty anyway.

"Isabella, do you have a moment?" Mr. Stein requested just as I made for the door. I sighed before turning around and shrugging.

"Look, Mr. Stein, I'm sorry that I wasn't paying much attention during class. I've been a little caught up and..." What was I supposed to say? My vampire boyfriend pushed me into a pile of glass while his brother tried to eat me? Not only would that not go over well but Mr. Stein would more than likely have me committed.

"I wasn't going to lecture you on it, I was only going to ask that you not let it happen again please." And with that, with a simple gesture of his hand, he was asking me to leave.

"No problem." I answered gruffly as I hurried out of his classroom, no longer willing to linger around. I threw my book bag harshly into the seat before I climbed in after it. The new radio, flashy for the center of my old dead-beat truck proved another painful reminder and I shut my eyes again. Behind their lids was little flickers of happiness, moments in our meadow, the time I had first heard Edward's voice after he saved me from James, the prom...All proved better than my eighteenth birthday. I shook my head, grabbing the steering wheel tightly, my knuckles turning white from my death-grip as I started the truck, hearing its' familiar roar as it sputtered to life.

I drove sluggishly, turning down the familiar roads before finally passing onto my own street. My heart stammered before beating erratically at the sight of a solitary silver Volvo parked in Charlie's usual space. I parked my truck quickly and stepped out seeing Edward positioned just off to the side of the house. I fought the urge to run into his arms as I saw his expression; it was still just as refined as it had been the previous night. Something within me told me to turn my back on him, begged me to get back in the truck and leave; this wasn't good; something was _wrong._ But even this urge I fought as I made my way to him reluctantly.

"Why don't you-, why don't we take a walk?" He murmured, motioning to the forestry at his side and I stared at him for a moment. There was something different about him, other than his resignation, this wasn't _my_ Edward. I lifted an eyebrow in curiosity and he gestured again towards the forest, although this time I nodded and shuffled along beside him. We stopped, hardly more than ten feet down the trail and he turned to face me.

"Bella, we're leaving. Carlisle, well he's supposed to be thirty and he hasn't aged; people are starting to wonder." I nodded, I had been expecting as much and there didn't seem to be any greater time than the present.

"I'll have to come up with something to tell Charlie..." I offered, already considering the possibilities. There wasn't much I could tell him, I definitely couldn't tell him I was running away with the Cullen's; I would never leave if I said that, no matter how true it would have been. Edward offered no reply, his body stiffening and I looked at him curiously again. What was wrong with him? And then it hit me..."When you say we...?"

"I mean my family and myself." He answered stiffly, his eyes cold. I refused to believe this, I refused to believe that he could leave me so easily; it wasn't possible.

"Edward if this is because of what happened with Jasper-It was nothing, Edward, nothing!" And it had been nothing. I had lived through much worse. I had had to live with the knowledge that another vampire had bit me, had started a change within me with his venom and Jasper hadn't even come _close_ to doing so. This was nothing comparable.

"Nothing as to what I had been expecting."

"Don't do this, _please_." I pleaded with him, seeing even as I said it, that he already had; that I had been too late to stop him. "I'm coming with." I trudged on uselessly. If anything I was the one who was reluctant to let go.

"I don't _want_ you to come." He answered, sounding more and more detached with every second that I stayed with him.

**[A/N: If you have any interest in doing so, please insert the song** **"Through the Trees" by: Low Shoulder, here.]**

"You don't..._You don't want me?"_ I whispered, trying the foreign words out for myself. It felt as though my heart fell several-thousand stories, all the way down to the bottom of my feet for asking this. I already knew what to expect for an answer, knew the rejection I would soon face, I could feel it coming but it didn't feel right until I faced it head on and though I was trying to, it felt like it might kill me in the process. Edward's face seemed to crumple if only for a second before returning to a poker face; _always_ the poker face. But maybe, just maybe, his expression hadn't crumpled, maybe that was my own imagination, willing some sort of saddened reaction to come from him so that I was not entirely alone in my suffering.

"Bella you're not...good for me. I thought that this could be fixed but it can't; _we can't._ We don't work." _We don't work._ No, we never worked, but we lasted. Through all the pain, joy, new experiences, we had always held onto each other and it didn't matter that we didn't work because when we were together, the two pieces of us always seemed to fit into place. But hearing him voice it, voice that we weren't compatible though I had always known this, made me face my fears directly and it stung. I didn't like knowing that for once I had been right, because there would be no victory to come from this, only a delving sense of loss on my part. He might as well have shredded my heart to ashes on the ground at our feet, for all the good he was doing me.

"Why don't you just take yourself a photograph and laugh at me? It'd be easier to face, than this. What? I'm just a silly little human who's the center of your inside jokes and you're just going to cast me away now? I can't say I don't blame you and I definitely can't say that I wasn't expecting this; both would be lies. But what I can say is that I had never expected to tear your family apart, nor would I have ever wanted to. I'm sorry that I'm such an unlucky, clumsy, human. I shouldn't have been so wishful as to believe that what we had might have lasted. It would have never worked; _you're right."_ And I walked away. Really, there had never been anything else I could have said, or could have done, because in standing there any longer I would have been the product of even more of their humor and pointed jokes. I was the stupid human who was just finally waking up in a world of reality rather than the fantasy I had so desired.

I didn't once turn back but I didn't have to, to know that he had already left me behind; what reason would he have to stay? Once I became more of a implication to the family it only seemed right that he leave me, though I knew that this was not what I had wanted.

"Bells, I was thinking we could head down to..."Charlie began, an unusual bubble of enthusiasm seeming to erupt from somewhere within him; I didn't know he _had_ it in him. Had this been any other day I might have agreed to whatever he was suggesting, but I couldn't. Something had risen to my throat, constricting it, locking in any sound I may have made. Instead my foot falls didn't falter as I walked past him, holding my head high. "Bella?" He called after me and I shook my head, tears blurring my vision.

I reached the stairs....One...Two...Three...Trip....Charlie raced over to help me, holding my wrists and I shrugged him off, standing on my own two feet without his assistance; I didn't need his help, I didn't need anyone's help. Instead I continued up...Four...Five...Six...Trip....Damn double vision. This time though, I didn't have the strength to pick myself up and Charlie knew better than to attempt to do so himself. Instead traitor tears shed from my eyes, shattering to the merciless stairs beneath me. It was embarrassing, those tears. I had willed myself to make it to my room and I had failed miserably. I could tell from Charlie's terrified expression that he didn't know how to react, didn't know how to sooth me and I didn't want him to; I _needed_ to feel this, I needed to know that I could.

Charlie plumped himself onto the first stair, resting his head against the wall, heaving a sigh of frustration or worry, I wasn't sure at that point but it didn't matter which; both were equals in my book of non-essentials. He seemed resigned to whatever I was feeling, his mood dampened. One thing I knew for sure was that he was done being the enthusiastic dad. I had blown that out the window.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, before racing up the remainder of the stairs, thanking the heavens that I hadn't tripped again. Would I ever stop apologizing? It didn't seem like I ever would. Behind my bedroom door, my back resting against the aging wood, I slid to the floor, holding my face in my hands, my knees pulled up to my chest. The sky seemed to darken to the extent of my misery as soon the sun faded away and was replaced by the darkness of the night. The phone rang from downstairs, another pang to my heart, and I listened as Charlie answered it.

"Yeah, Billy, Bella's here. Why?" Billy? Why was Billy concerned about me? I held my breath, waiting for something, anything to let onto his reasoning. "They left?!" Charlie very-nearly shouted and that was it, what I was waiting for, "Some warning would have been nice. Even Carlisle's left the hospital? For a better position in California. Huh. That boy had a lot of nerve to break her heart-," I scoffed at that; he had every right in the world after everything I had put him and his family through. And anyways, the Cullen's would never be able to live in a place as sunny as California even _if_ Carlisle had a good offer waiting for him at the hospital even _if_ he was promised that I would never come near his family again. But it finally started to make sense now. Of course they would claim to leave for California. They weren't giving me any realistic location to search for them had I been willing and Billy's only concern was whether or not they had left me behind in full 'human' condition. -I had never doubted that he knew their secret of inhumanity; if anything he would be the only one to understand it other than myself and that didn't matter anymore. _Nothing did. _

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**And that's it for chapter two! Please take the time to leave a review, or even look at it as a chance to simply drop in and say "Hello." Either way I would very much appreciate it! **

**Thanks for reading, **

** ~Jenny  
**


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